It is justified to lie when you do not benefit. It is justified to become evil when you do not benefit. In retrospect, my path during this time was due to a lack of trust in those around me, or rather, a lack of trust in their trust in me. However, mistakes are how we become closer to people, after all . . .
The alternate explanation is that situations may require being in two states at the same time. This is fine as long as outside observations do not cause you to collapse into an unworkable state, which is either of them . . . under this explanation, when you cannot advance to where you need to be because of where you are - such as when the possibility of happiness, causes the opposite - you may be able to continue on. Both explanations seem fine. In the case of the second, I am no longer in this superimposed state.
I really need to separate 'random drivels' from stuff that I think other people would actually be interested in reading. This blog has deviated from its intended purpose.